CRIMES

TEN FIRSTS:
First Best Friend-Dora Tang
First Screen Name-geraldineb5690
First Pet-Abby
First Piercing-ears
First Crush-Jordan
First CD-... can't remember to tell you the truth.
First car-... a toy car... lol
First stuffed animal-yellow bear, dubbed "sunshine"
First teacher- Mrs. Bowler
First home- Lima, Peru

NINE LASTS:
Last Alcoholic Beverage-wine... yum...
Last Carride-From Mills, to home, via Fuller
Last Movie Seen-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Last Phone Call- David
Last Song Played-Colors
Last Bubble Bath- um... like, ... a month ago???
Last Time You Cried- last night
Last Thing You Ate- italian ice
Last Game You Played- ... chess with alan I guess

EIGHT "HAVE YOU EVER?"S
...dated one of your best friends? yeah... like... 4 times
...been arrested? no
...skinny dipped? no
...been on tv? yes
...kissed someone then regretted it? yes, yes YES!!!
...had a sex dream about someone? who hasn't?
...cheated? yes, unfortunately, and i'm not about to make that mistake again... like... ever.
...done drugs? yes- but not anytime lately: and hopefully not anytime in the future

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
... am i wearing seven things???
1. blue hoodie
2.blue jeans
3.boots
4.Grr "I'm going to sing the doom song now!" mini-t
5.blue sex bracelet
6.pink sex choker
7. black socks
... haha! didn't have to get into underwear ;P

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. eaten
2. gone to gsa meeting
3. practiced piano
4. attended health assembly
5. talked to carrie
6. bitten daniel

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. evanescence
2. my friends/boyfriend
3. piano
4. poetry
5. ...um... hm... my open-mindedness

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO
1. david
2. carrie
3. alan
4. stewart

THREE CHOICES
1. black or white: black
2. hot or cold: hot
3. chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. adopt 2/3 siblings from a 3rd world country
2. meet my birth mother and half-brothers

ONE THING YOU REGRET:
god-freaking-damn... so many choices... i guess 7th grade... like: all of it. uh-huh... *clears throat*... anyway...

Wothless...

wow... can't you already tell this is going to be a crappy-as-hell post???

*sigh* i dunno: i just feel like everything I am doing now is worthless: like all of it is wasting my time, and other people's because I'm not worth anything, and i'll never amount to anything in any case. bleh- just a shitload of ... shit going on in my head basically.

... well: you're going to call me stupid: but i'm upset about my grades. alg II is ok: but then again, it's a 100. how can you be disappointed with that??? but world lit is a b, and so is art history: and that's not even a high b: it's a 85. medium, run-of-the-mill. i'm pretty sure my ap world history is a b too. i mean, if you want to add the weighting, for history in any case, it's still an a, ... but not really. *sigh* it's my ap classes that are pulling me down i think. well: those are the one's i don't have a's in. but the world lit is pissing me off. i could've gotten an a in there if i had put in more work in the beg of the 9 wks rather than goofing off. but i will change those b's this 9 wks: all this stupid distracting crap is going to go. i'll have straight a's 2nd 9 wks, and they will be high, so they'll make my semester grades high: not to mention my sem tests: which i plan on doing well on: no more goofing off. i need to get up to my full potential. i'm just sorta fucking around right now. *hits self* stupid... but i'll work better this 9 wks.

ugh- i know: most of you will think this a good thing, but i am gaining weight. i SHOULD be... but i feel fat again. ... well... not that i exactly stopped. but it is definitely worse. i'm still eating... tho not necessarily... a lot... or... even quite... enough... but i am eating. a considerable amount... especially compared to what i was eating when school started. so yeah...

life at home is GREAT... *laughs bitterly* right... frankly i don't even really want to get into that... so yeah.

other than that, ... i guess everything is ok. ok-ish... something like that. *sigh* i dunno- whatever. i'm dealing (which consists solely or repression) so... yeah: don't worry bout me! (not gonna work, is it???) oh well. whatever you want: frankly i think it's a waste of time: but i'm depressed and shitty and etc. so... yeah.

talk to you l8r...
Julie

Elementary Particles

Drunk on the eloquent silence,
induced by your stony stares.
Crying out with muted pain
as acidic rain pummels me
from your deceitful clouds.
Abstrusing yourslef from
the world was a feeble
attempt at fixing your
obfuscated shell, my dear.
---
For if only the screams of the
damned can soothe you, and only
the taste of the flesh can
console you in your self-induced
delirium, maybe you should
ascend the stairs of fate.
---
Tempt Eve with a blood-covered
cherry, and give her a knife to
commit a bittersweet suicide.
Banish sin in the world with
one fell swoop of the knife.
---
Let straightjackets of insanity
consume you, along with the
white padded walls of society.

My Glass Coffin

Consumed by your expectations,
you will accept no less than the best.
you think I will shed my skin
to live like the machine you want me to be.
You're so unempathetic,
you can't even comprehend
why you cry in your sleep.
Yet you expect me to bleed,
if only for the fun of it.
So you can hear me scream
as insanity rips open my
mind, and distorts all I believed
to be true. As I commit
an emotional suicide, you can't help
but to smile: you knew I could never
survive. And still you persist
in wreaking havoc with me,
pursuing to destroy me.
Blast me into oblivion, for
you hated me, because I was
exactly what you wanted,
but all I ever wanted was
the void.