school!!! ahh!!!

ok- so school started this past week: i don't really think it's going to be too bad. i'll give you an overview:

1. band: duh- two words.... "drum major" lol
2. span 2: my teacher is v enthusiastic to put it mildly. don't think it will be too bad.
3. ap us hist: mrs. auffert is ok. i like the fact that the majority of our homework is reading: that will help me a lot.
4. word processing: do i really need to say?
5. chem lab: oh god: first thing in the morning is lab... going to die
6. ap chem: not bad: mr winston is an ok teach, so... *shrug*
7. honors pre-cal: pretty good, however i get the idea that mr. hamlin will be slightly dull shall we say...
8. ap eng lit and comp: fun fun fun! seriously.

so yeah: not bad at all.

for other stuff: david and i decided to take some time off from talking with each other which might be good for both of us. he is supposed to be coming down in november, and not to sound sarcastic or anything... but he was supposed to be coming down a lot of times. but i'd really like to see him: just not going to get my hopes up.

there are a lot of little people at school now: i'm friends with a lot of them. i've also decided to cut back on the people i do hang out with. just seems pointless for some of them. so: daniel, stewart, sarah d, sara c, reggie, alex, and a couple others are going to be the main people i hang out with. every one else can burn.

lol

anyway: laterz

The View from a Cliff

Intimate
spacing stasis,
phalanges spread.
Falling through the cracks in the concrete.
Eight hours 'til I'm free.
---
Fat subsiding under a skin so scarred,
it would make a war-torn city
seem unbelievably immaculate.
---
Yearning to be borne upon the wind,
in defiance of gravity, and
society's limits,
you jumped off the cliff,
trusting your ecstasy-enhanced mind,
and testing you imagination.
Falling, your disbelief
consumed you to your core,
desensitizing you to the crash.
In the end, we all die alone.
Obstrused from all those around us.
Solitary in a crowd.
---
Disciplinary techniques
encased in a box
you never meant to open,
teach you
that love is hard:
not a cushion for you
to land on, but
the devil that pushed you in the
first place.
A thorny blanket
a goddess of bloody tears
wraps around you,
singing you to
an eternal dreamless slumber
with honey-laced words
of destruction.
---
The cessation
of your breathing,
the blood flowing through
your rotting veins,
perplexes you.
As a rule, you are immortal,
until you are defeated.
And conquest came on
the wings of a solitary dove.
For we all die alone.

boring....

um... i'm bored....

well: summer band is ok: i like yelling at people, and i'm trying to figure out what kind of dress thing i am going to where, and where the hell to get money for a podium.

i'm talking to alan, and im'ing with david.... nobody's saying anything right now.

ok.... chicken and gravy on the body and peanut butter showers and whip cream baths..... weird.....

i miss carrie.

*sigh* i wish school would start already, so we could get out.

this is an extremely random post.

can't think of anything else to say.

johnathan and i were im'ing earlier and arguing a lot....

david was on my side.

um.... i miss dora.

and i need to look up that donato conductor's baton....

ok- g2g

-peruvian peanut.

strawberry, kiwi, banana, and watermelon

Cherry- (if you're taken by someone and love them)
Strawberry- (if you like someone)
Kiwi- (if you're single)
Orange- (If you're a stripper)
Banana- (if you're confused)
Watermelon- (wish you can go back in time)
Apple- (if your single and loving it)
Grape-(if your a ninja)
mango-(if your pregnant)
Pineapple-(if you dont care anymore)
green apple-(if ur high)


...this explains it all...

Numb... so i thought.../ New Aspirations

Ok... so I just re-read my last post: that seemed so plastic. And it was. Or was it? I guess I was still somewhat in shock when I wrote it. It hadn't hit me yet. It did later that night though. So I cried: got it out. And took to my new philosophy: if it's over, get over it. The end. But now...

Monday, after lunch, I was walking back to the library, and I felt... I'm not sure if liberated is the right word. It's too happy. There needs to be a solemness, yet calmness to the word I'm looking for. Because, yeah, breaking up with David was sad. Ok... and? It doesn't need to bog down the rest of my life. I don't have to worry about that anymore: no more wondering how the story's going to play out. I know. I'm not saying I'm numb to it: there are still moments of sadness at random times. However, I observe it, file it away, and move on.

Wow: looking back at this, it sounds phony too. But it's not. Not anymore. It's probably because I haven't had this outlook in a long time.

And I'm not saying David was holding me back, that he was stopping me from having a happy life. He did make me happy. We're emailing, and simply having him there as a friend, still makes me happy. It was me that was stopping myself. I wanted so badly to have one thing go right, and it seemed like David was a good choice. Maybe it was, at the beginning. I don't know. But breaking up with him has opened my eyes. And please: nobody, esp David, take this the wrong way. It's hard to put everything into words. But I think David of all people will know what I mean.

Also, later on at the library, i felt a feeling of why? Why was I there? It wasn't something I wanted to do: it was something to do. Anything to do. So I didn't go today. It just seemed pointless.

*sigh* so many changes in my life, so fast. it's a whirlwind of opportunity, and goals, and so many roads going so many places. What can i say? A new chapter has begun.