More Quizzes my Lovelies!!!

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Candy Cigarettes

You're a total badass, but you don't taste very good.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Slacker Kid

High school was a place you showed up occasionally, but you didn't really leave a mark. You hated rules, authority, and structure. In fact, you still do.

Who Were You In High School?

Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love. And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone. Your flirting style: Hyper Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for! Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded What you bring to relationships: Energy

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Reputation Is: Mystery Girl

You're the girl that everyone is trying to figure out. Men are attracted to your intriguing persona - and women want to copy it!

What's Your Reputation?

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 20% Good and 80% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You Are Chocolate Caramel Kiss Lip Gloss

Saying that you're one of a kind is ... well ... an understatement. You're unusual, quirky, wacky - and you love to challenge people. And you are a total trendsetter. Your friends are quick to copy your fashion and music tastes. Which is why chocolate caramel is your perfect flavor. It's as rare and outrageous as you are.

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

Your Vibe Is Somewhat Sexy

On a good day, you're the sexiest woman in the world But on a bad day, you can't help but feel a little average Try to remember the times you've felt the sexiest... And keep that attitude even on the worst of days

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

You Are Bad Girl Sexy

Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot. You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on. And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you. Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

Blind

don't look at me;

you may not like what you see.

these chains that bind me

also set me free.

this waxen skin

secrets away my rotten core.

my porcelain doll facade

covers a lifeless virgin whore

drown me n your broken dreams

roses torn asunder.

give me candy sweet as sin

while thorns drag me under.

bury me in your blood, sweat and tears

tell me i'm forsaken.

then before the dawn will die

my beautifulanathema will awaken.

reaching out passionate loathing;

cold fingers clutch your heart,

draw breath to scream, then sigh it out,

as your life departs.

it seems the end has come my dear:

lift up your bloodstained hands.

your death a merciful blessing

as death on wings does land.

From Four to X-Y-Z

A touch
pain in a bottle
hot, cold, electric,
eternal intoxication.
Weeping torrents
of blood
too red to be real.
Candy sweet as sin.
Heroin-laced
perfection flowing
through my veins.
You can have my body,
but not my mind.
Searching for the truth
among a sordid pack of lies.
Your eyes
sweep me under.
Picking off scabs
as the smoke chokes me.
Every raindrop is
acid on my skin.
Every whisper,
a burning brand
on my soul.

straying off the beaten path.

Well- I'm back. Obviously. Yeah- I went down to MS 4 xmas... like i do every year.

k- here's what i got for xmas: 100$, a 25$ gift card to barnes and noble, a purse, and converse shoes. pretty low list. but in any case: i now have enough money to go get something from hot topic... maybe a few, and get the drumset... or give to alan to get the drumset to bring to my house and even tho it's "mine" it's really "his," but not exactly... in any case: he knows what i mean.

i still haven't seen david. that pisses me off some. i just... really miss him, and he's down here. but... yeah. lol: i could care less about the goddamn present. i was never really interested in getting it: i was more interested in him actually coming down. There's only 2 days til he leaves. I really really want to see him: i hope i do. However, as bad as this sounds, i'm not expecting anything. I guess... I just don't want my hopes to get mercilessly dashed on the rocks. Even though I'll still be upset. Argh... I don't know how to explain it. Just... yeah.

Not much else is really going on. Well... ok- maybe it is... but not really the point. I am going to go post on cfm now, maybe my other one... which like... 2 of you ppl who read my stuff have. but yeah. that's all for now.

and don't ask about the title. i have my reasons

I've kissed 58 different ways...

1. [x] on the cheek
2. [x] on the lips
3. [x] on their hands or fingers
4. [x] in my room
5. [x] in their room
6. [x] of the opposite sex
7. [x] of the same sex
8. [ ] in a different state
9. [x] a little younger than me
10. [x] a little older than me
11. [x] with black hair
12. [x] with curly hair
13. [x] blonde hair and blue eyes
14. [ ] with red hair
15. [x] with straight hair
16. [x] shorter than me
17. [x] with a lip ring
18. [x]who i truly love/loved(at the time)
19. [x] who was drunk
20. [x] who was high
21. [x] in the morning
22. [x] right after waking up
23. [x] just before bed
24. [x] late at night
25. [ ] who I had just met
26. [x] who I really didn't want to kiss
27. [x] while i was going out with some else
28. [x] on a bed
29. [x] in a graveyard
30. [x] at school
31. [x] against a wall
32. [x] at a dance
33. [x] at a show (concert)
34. [] at the beach or lake
35. [x] in a pool
36. [x] who was/is a good friend
37. [x] in the rain
38. [ ] with an std
39. [x] in a car/taxi/bus
40. [x] at a party
41. [ ] on a plane
42. [x] in the movies
43. [x] in a bathroom
44. [x] in the dark
45. [ ] on a roof top
46. [ ] under water
47. [x] with a tongue ring
48. [ ] while driving
50. [x] who was dating someone else
51. [ ] a stranger
52. [x] more than one person at once
53. [x] goodbye forever
54. [x] when i was drunk
55. [] who didn't speak english
56. [] in a firetruck
57. [x] on a playground
58. [x] on a bench
59. [ ] in a hot tub
60. [ ] in the ocean
61. [x] on the floor
62. [x] on a table
63. [ ] in the shower
64. [x] on a trampoline
65. [ ] in the tubes at mcdonalds/burger king
66. [ ] on a cruise
67. [] in the snow
68. [x] under the stars
69. [ ] on a ski lift
70. [ ] in an elevator
71. [x] while chewing gum
72. [x] on a chair
73. [x] completely naked
74. [ ] under a waterfall
75. [ ] in a hot air balloon
76. [x] in the woods
77. [x] on the ear
78. [x] on the neck
79. [x] upsidedown
80. [ ] at a red light
81. [x] on a staircase
82. [ ] under a staircase
83. [x] while you're sleeping
84. [ ] on a rock jetti

Repost with the title "I've kissed (your number) different ways

concerts, tests, and reunions

Well- today was the band concert. I did pretty good (shut up Jennifer). so yeah. go me!
carrie played well also.
We hung out after school: me, carrie, and crystal mainly. when we got down to the gas station, cole, erica, dylan, drake, and a couple others were there. we had fun... (you know what i mean) but yeah.
so: tomorrow i have my 1st and 2nd period tests. the next day, 3rd and 4th, friday, 5th and 6th, monday 7th. i don't have one in eigth, so i'll probably just go for the one test. but yeah.
yay!!! i am like... ecstatically happy bc i get to see david in like... 5 days... ! i wish it were shorter... but yeah. can't have anything. anyway: i can finally get to figure out what he got me!!! but yeah... i don't care about seeing him, just what he got me. lol: i love you baby!!! but yeah: i am really really really really happy.
on the other hand... ugh... um... yeah. well... damn you carrie. anyway: crap. *sigh* ok: here's the deal. my anorexia bulemia bullshit has been... really... active... the biggest thing i've had to eat in the last week was the salad at bennigan's for the hornaments crap on saturday. everyday beside that i've been surviving on 1 slushee, 1 bag of chips, 1 bag of skittles, maybe some toast OR some rice... that's like: it. Any time i ate anything more, i made myself throw it up... and my body is used to this pattern: so I don't have to make myself after a certain point anymore: it just does it. i'll eat more than the norm (which i specified above) and then i'll throw up. at least i don't have teeth marks on my fingers anymore! *bitter laugh* but yeah: today, carrie and i were walking for like 20 min or something... and we were getting up to the school, and all of a sudden i got dizzy and faint... i didn't. faint that is. i came damn close though. Carrie got all worried. ...well... i'm not surprised. but that's not the point. ugh... it's just... i don't know. i'm basically into the whole: fat, worthless, untalented, stupid crap again. so... joy... ugh.
yeah... also: speaking of (i should really be putting this on carnival funhouse mirror) but yeah. ok: well: you know that whole inferiority complex and worthless crap i have going on? ok... um... *sigh* it's sort of... manifested itself i guess. i really don't have any other way to put this. it just... all the bad stuff i think of myself has grouped itself together and formed its own little... personality. but it's constantly in my head telling me i'm worthless: nobody cares: i'll never be good enough: i'm too stupid to see: too naive and i believe ppl when they say they care: i'll never amount to anything. *scoffs* right now it's telling me i shouldn't be telling you this stuff bc you'll use it again later to hurt me. and it's like... if i just sit there... i can see this little ::movie:: going on in my head. there's like this... me: the me real me, kneeling on the floor. and there's this other me ::the voice:: standing above me: she's got black, broken wings, black make-up, black clothes, black eyes: and i don't mean like how my eyes look black: they're literally black. and... the other me (which carrie and i have taken to calling jennifer) is yelling at me. telling me everything is wrong with me. i can't do anything right. i'm stupid. i'm fat. i'm ugly. i'm not talented. i'm ignorant. i'm worthless. nobody cares. everyone hates me. ppl only lift me up so they can let me go and watch me go crashing down. i'm not worth being strong: and i'm not worth crying. i'm not worth living: i'm not worth dying. i don't matter. and ME me will be crying. it's so pitiful. and i'll say something like... but they tell me they care. the jennifer will slap me, or kick me, or something. saying, how can i believe them when i don't even love myself. i loathe myself: why shouldn't they? and i believe it. nothing has really been going right lately. there is not really anything to prove otherwise... i just... can't really see it. *sigh* but yeah. crap: whatever. carrie tells me i should kill the little voice. i wish i could. i'm so depressed, and ... blah.
so yeah: that's what's been going on lately. *sigh* yeah. some good: mostly bad. *shrug* i'm dealing... well... suppressing. which is worse. but yeah. it's not like it matters anyway.

Cold

Crimson petals
leave questions to be answered
of insanity.
Bound to my coffin
as devils take flight.
Ripping my skeleton out of my flesh,
to walk in Death.
Rocking chairs swing from
weeping willow trees branches.
Pencils dancing from the sky
Zippers catching in fingernails,
ripping teeth.
Pick a daisy to die
for your perfume of mosaic windows.
Doors drifting in your path
Pick one and laugh at the
sickness and pain inside.
your rape a sweet succession
of sour and apples.
Rotten to the core you will see
that you never meant anything to me.

Pencil Lead #2

Reducing you to another particle of dust,
You repressent everything I abhor.
Smothering you in the dead leaves of autumn,
Drowning you in a sea of blood.
Must cease your breathing.
Fuck you, you never loved me anyway.
Letting time ravage you.
My despair cleaning your bones.
Smash your face in with a hammer of hate.
Look at me with dead eyes,
I'll simply look away.
you and your ridiculous expectations
will be buried tonight.
Shattering the windows of your glass house.
and burning down your dreams.
all my scars opening up
to shed a torrent of crimson tears again.
---
Let's play a game:
Scream for your mercy-
maybe if you'll scream loud enough,
I'll be kind and end it for you now.
But if you lose, you get to suffer
for eternity.
My heaven is a
hell for you.

Tracy!!!

hehe- got this from tracy's xanga

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Kissed your cousin? no
2. Ran away? not really
3. Pictured your crush naked? yes
4. Skipped school? yes
5. Broken someone's heart? yes... unfortunately
6. Been in love? yes: i sorta am now... well: not sorta: completely, but that's beside the point.
7. Cried when someone dies? yes
8. Wanted someone you couldn't have? yes
9. Broken a bone? no
10. Done something embarassing? who hasn't?
11. Lied? yes
12. Cried in school? yes

WHICH IS BETTER:
13. Coke or Pepsi? neither
14. Sprite or 7up? neither
15. Girls or guys? depends on what topic.
16. Flowers or candy? um... both are good. probably flowers: sanguine roses
17. Scruff or clean shaved? depends on the guy
18. Blondes or brunettes? hm... well: most of the guys i fall for are brunettes... blondes aren't bad tho
19. Bitchy or slutty? neither
20. Tall or short? i am short (unfortunately) but not extremely so
21. Pants or shorts? pants: definately
22. Night or day? i love the night

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
23. What do you notice first? eyes and smile
24. Last person you slowdanced with? dusty
25. Worst question to ask? "What size bra do you wear?"

THE LAST TIME YOU:
26. Showered: last night
27. stepped outside? um... 30 min ago
28. Talked on the phone? an hour ago

ABOUT YOU:
29. Romantic memory? probably that day in spanish where we watched... some movie (wasn't really paying attention, lol) and david and i were joking around. then when we went outside he kissed me and afterwards i couldn't stop trembling for like... 3 min. lol.
30. Good luck charm? don't really have one
31. Person you hate most? i don't know that i necessarily hate anyone. dislike humongously... not hate tho.
32. Best thing that has happened? in my life? crap... probably music and poetry. love em.
33. On your desk? like... pencils, paper, school books, some breathmints, drawings...
34. Picture on your desktop? guitar

FAVORITE:
35. Color? red, purple, black: that order
36.Movie?either donnie darko, speak, or eternal sunshine
37. Artist or Band? Evanescence, Disturbed, Shinedown
38 Cars?hm... can't choose
39. Ice Cream? cookie dough
40. Food? hm... genre: italian, individual: palabok and halo-halo (said ha-low, not hay-low): both are phillipino. woo philippines!

WHO:
41. Makes you laugh the most: carrie
42. Makes you smile? David, always
43. Can make you feel better no matter what? David again... and most of the time carrie and alan.
44. Has a crush on you? well... no one i'm sure of... David doesn't really count anymore... *shrug*
45. Do you have a crush on? no one at the moment
46. Has it easier? guys
47. Makes you feel funny when you see them? David: but in a good way

DO YOU EVER:
48. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night? no
49. Save AIM conversations? yes
50. Save emails? yes
51. Forward secret emails? no, considering i dont' get any
52. Wish you were someone else? every once in a while... once a month or so
53. Wish you were a member or the opposite sex? no
54. Wear cologne? no... sorta weird... perfume yes
55. Cuddle? not often
56. Kiss? not lately
57. Stay online for more than 8 hrs? not lately

HAVE YOU EVER:
58. Fallen for your best friend? yeah
59. Made out with just a friend? no
60. Kissed two people in the same day? yes
61. Had sex with two people in the same day? no
62. Been rejected? no
63. Been in love? yes
64. Been in lust? yes, stupidly
65. Used someone? yes... stupidly again
66. Been used? yes, again
67. Dumped someone? yes
68. Been cheated on? yes
69. Been kissed? yes
70. Done something you regret? ... difficult question. done something i shouldn't have: yes, but regretted: technically not bc it helped make me who i am today by teaching me some sort of lesson.

well... that was stupid: if you read the whole thing: congrats!!!... i think???


x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the opposite sex
(x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the same sex
(x) Slept for more than 12 hours
(x) Missed a week of school or more
(x) Put chapstick on more than 5 times in an hour
(x) Kissed more than one person in a day
(x) Kissed more than two people in a day: spin the bottle
( ) Created a myspace/xanga survey
( ) Eaten a worm
(x) Jumped on a trampoline
( ) Ridden a unicycle
(x) Done something special for someone else
( ) Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant
(x) Paid more than $50 for food at a fast food restaurant
(x) Got caught for cheating
( ) Talked on the phone while going to the bathroom
(x) Brushed your teeth while on the phone
( ) Worked in fast food
(x) Written a poem
(x) Randomly called people out of a phone book
( ) Been on a yacht
( ) Put bananas in your cheerios or rice krispies
(x) Lied to a friend to make them feel better
(x) Dated someone more than 2 years older than you
(x) Eaten icing out of the original container
( ) Had a dream about a myspace/xanga friend
(x) Fallen in public
( ) Had your pants rip
( ) Recently had a PB&J sadnwich
( ) Met your principals parents
(x) Killed an animal- it was an insect, okay?!
(x) Been prescribed to 3 or more medications by a doctor
( ) Wished you were an only child
( ) Used your friends razor with out them knowing
(x) Been unproud of a decision you made
( ) Worked for a family member
(x) Been told you were too young
(x) Made out in a car
(x) Kissed a friend, then their best friend: it was spin the bottle, ok?!?
(x) Been to a concert
(x) Gotten away with a lie to your parents
( ) Been dumped the night of a dance and left with out a date
(x) Been cheated on
( ) Gone out with a person one of your parents set you up with
(x) Hate to admit you are wrong
(x)Ridden on a shopping cart in a grocery store
( ) danced in a Mini Mart
( ) Went into a mini mart in socks
(x) Worn a tiara
( ) Been in a play
( ) Copied more than 30 CD's in a day
(x) Made a movie
(x) Dressed gothic
(x) Worn 5 or more layers of clothing
(x) Had a stalker
(x) Been to california
( ) Lived on a house boat
(x) Swam in clear blue water
( ) Sat in a doctors office with a friend
(x) Ran across 6 lanes of traffic
(x) Made fish lips
( ) Hit on a waiter
(x) Taken pictures with a stranger
() Been to Busch Gardens
( ) Stayed in a hotel room with 3 other school mates
(x) Made a public speech
(x) Been on cable television
(x) Choreographed a dance
(x) Felt used
(x) Made a smoothie or milkshake
(x) Had fun at work
( ) Watched Desperate Housewives
(x) Watched a movie so often you could quote every word
( ) Listened to an old NSYNC or Backstreet Boys CD more than once in a day AFTER they were popular
(x) Kept something from a past relationship (letters, flowers ect..)
(x) Given someone else flowers
(x) Taken a foreign language
( ) Gotten to school at 6:15 in the morning
( ) Not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class
(x) Laughed for no apparent reason

The 6th Edition

Forget me now, I am not real.
I am simply the embodiment of all your suppress.
Push me down into your core,
This twisted bloody mesh of your hate, fear, and loathing.
Scars covered up by longsleeves,
Seeping through the threads to live again in grief.
Tears wash away my humanity
it's so apparent I am dead; I wonder why I still bother to breathe.
Flowing through my veins,
Saturating me with loneliness and despair.
Tapping into the vein to write with emotion.
Slitting the throat to draw with your death.
The end is imminent.
Pencil cutting the paper to make it weep again.
Touch me in my ecstasy:
It will not hurt but for a moment.
Then the second is gone.
And I'm drowning in my blood sweat and tears
To die in suffering.
Sweet dreams my love, swinging by your neck in the rafters.
I am death and i have passed by.
Clawing at you with nails so subtle you never noticed your crimson weakness.
Black trench coats flapping in the wind.
and fairies dancing on your mushroom grave.
Give it all up for a heartfelt nirvana
in this hell of mine.

Negative Denotations

Numb to the desolate level of hatred
you display to me in your moments of self-loathing.
Binding my charred black wings with
rubberbands laced with thorns of a rosebush.
Desecrate me: you know not what you do.
I am already dead and lost to the world you reside in.
Destroy this healthy body which betrays me,
betrays my rotten core of pain and darkness.
You never knew me when I was pure in innocence:
it was too quickly swept away for even me to recognize.
And when you look at the world through shaded eyes,
and tell me a lipgloss-covered lie, you will fail horribly.
Forget you ever knew me: it will not benefit you in any way.
I was only a dark smudge/a thumbprint on your window of light.
Look into the void that is my mind,
identify it, analyze it, contemplate it, define it.
Then, stab me in the heart; pulsing, pushing out blood
around the thirsty blade: lusting to take life.
Watch me gasp, struggling for the air that will not save me;
clutching at your hands, searching for the absent mercy.
Look away, ignore my cries, bury me deep in your mind.
As I fade to what you always thought of me, turn out the light.
I am nothing, and you fail to breathe again.

Penny's Hyper

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? ...hm... either lips or eyes, normally.

2.How much cash do you have on you? heh... on me? somewhere in the vicinity of... 75 cents. in my room, however, there is almost 200.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? best. and yes: that is the first thing i thought. nasty people!!!

4. Favorite planet? um... earth... maybe... or saturn. or... something.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? um... jesal.

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? jesu, of man's desiring.

7. What shirt are you wearing? black turtleneck

8. Do you label yourself? hehe... like i even could... heh...

9. Name the brand of the shoes you are currently wearing. like: i'm in my socks

10. Bright or dark room? ok: current: dark, preference: same

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? ren is so freaking awesome!!!

12. What were you doing at midnight last night? reading and listening to the radio

13. What did the message you last receive on your telephone say? 8881 (don't ask)

14. What's a saying that you say a lot? oompa loompa (or) it's all cherries and pasta now.

15. Who told you they loved you last? david

16. Last furry thing you touched? my dog

17. How many drugs have you done in the past three days? um... nothing illegal, except for the fact that the antidepressant wasn't prescribed to me... but yeah.

18. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? like... 1, bc right after it got done i got my digi, so... yeah.

19. Favorite age you have been so far? ... um... either... 6... or 15.

20. Your worst enemy? ICP!!! i'm sorry david...

21. What is your current desktop picture? hands on a piano

22. What is the last thing you said to someone? verbally: okay (to my mom), and said as in communicated was "uh-huh" to alan over aim.

23. If you had to choose between a million dollars and taking back a regret, which would you pick? the regret: no doubt: as for what it is: you'll have to figure that out yourselves.

24. Do you like someone? does the fact that I am madly in love with my boyfriend tell you anything???!!!???

25. The last song you listened to? Change (in the house of flies) by Deftones: awesome song man!

CRIMES

TEN FIRSTS:
First Best Friend-Dora Tang
First Screen Name-geraldineb5690
First Pet-Abby
First Piercing-ears
First Crush-Jordan
First CD-... can't remember to tell you the truth.
First car-... a toy car... lol
First stuffed animal-yellow bear, dubbed "sunshine"
First teacher- Mrs. Bowler
First home- Lima, Peru

NINE LASTS:
Last Alcoholic Beverage-wine... yum...
Last Carride-From Mills, to home, via Fuller
Last Movie Seen-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Last Phone Call- David
Last Song Played-Colors
Last Bubble Bath- um... like, ... a month ago???
Last Time You Cried- last night
Last Thing You Ate- italian ice
Last Game You Played- ... chess with alan I guess

EIGHT "HAVE YOU EVER?"S
...dated one of your best friends? yeah... like... 4 times
...been arrested? no
...skinny dipped? no
...been on tv? yes
...kissed someone then regretted it? yes, yes YES!!!
...had a sex dream about someone? who hasn't?
...cheated? yes, unfortunately, and i'm not about to make that mistake again... like... ever.
...done drugs? yes- but not anytime lately: and hopefully not anytime in the future

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
... am i wearing seven things???
1. blue hoodie
2.blue jeans
3.boots
4.Grr "I'm going to sing the doom song now!" mini-t
5.blue sex bracelet
6.pink sex choker
7. black socks
... haha! didn't have to get into underwear ;P

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. eaten
2. gone to gsa meeting
3. practiced piano
4. attended health assembly
5. talked to carrie
6. bitten daniel

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. evanescence
2. my friends/boyfriend
3. piano
4. poetry
5. ...um... hm... my open-mindedness

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO
1. david
2. carrie
3. alan
4. stewart

THREE CHOICES
1. black or white: black
2. hot or cold: hot
3. chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. adopt 2/3 siblings from a 3rd world country
2. meet my birth mother and half-brothers

ONE THING YOU REGRET:
god-freaking-damn... so many choices... i guess 7th grade... like: all of it. uh-huh... *clears throat*... anyway...

Wothless...

wow... can't you already tell this is going to be a crappy-as-hell post???

*sigh* i dunno: i just feel like everything I am doing now is worthless: like all of it is wasting my time, and other people's because I'm not worth anything, and i'll never amount to anything in any case. bleh- just a shitload of ... shit going on in my head basically.

... well: you're going to call me stupid: but i'm upset about my grades. alg II is ok: but then again, it's a 100. how can you be disappointed with that??? but world lit is a b, and so is art history: and that's not even a high b: it's a 85. medium, run-of-the-mill. i'm pretty sure my ap world history is a b too. i mean, if you want to add the weighting, for history in any case, it's still an a, ... but not really. *sigh* it's my ap classes that are pulling me down i think. well: those are the one's i don't have a's in. but the world lit is pissing me off. i could've gotten an a in there if i had put in more work in the beg of the 9 wks rather than goofing off. but i will change those b's this 9 wks: all this stupid distracting crap is going to go. i'll have straight a's 2nd 9 wks, and they will be high, so they'll make my semester grades high: not to mention my sem tests: which i plan on doing well on: no more goofing off. i need to get up to my full potential. i'm just sorta fucking around right now. *hits self* stupid... but i'll work better this 9 wks.

ugh- i know: most of you will think this a good thing, but i am gaining weight. i SHOULD be... but i feel fat again. ... well... not that i exactly stopped. but it is definitely worse. i'm still eating... tho not necessarily... a lot... or... even quite... enough... but i am eating. a considerable amount... especially compared to what i was eating when school started. so yeah...

life at home is GREAT... *laughs bitterly* right... frankly i don't even really want to get into that... so yeah.

other than that, ... i guess everything is ok. ok-ish... something like that. *sigh* i dunno- whatever. i'm dealing (which consists solely or repression) so... yeah: don't worry bout me! (not gonna work, is it???) oh well. whatever you want: frankly i think it's a waste of time: but i'm depressed and shitty and etc. so... yeah.

talk to you l8r...
Julie

Elementary Particles

Drunk on the eloquent silence,
induced by your stony stares.
Crying out with muted pain
as acidic rain pummels me
from your deceitful clouds.
Abstrusing yourslef from
the world was a feeble
attempt at fixing your
obfuscated shell, my dear.
---
For if only the screams of the
damned can soothe you, and only
the taste of the flesh can
console you in your self-induced
delirium, maybe you should
ascend the stairs of fate.
---
Tempt Eve with a blood-covered
cherry, and give her a knife to
commit a bittersweet suicide.
Banish sin in the world with
one fell swoop of the knife.
---
Let straightjackets of insanity
consume you, along with the
white padded walls of society.

My Glass Coffin

Consumed by your expectations,
you will accept no less than the best.
you think I will shed my skin
to live like the machine you want me to be.
You're so unempathetic,
you can't even comprehend
why you cry in your sleep.
Yet you expect me to bleed,
if only for the fun of it.
So you can hear me scream
as insanity rips open my
mind, and distorts all I believed
to be true. As I commit
an emotional suicide, you can't help
but to smile: you knew I could never
survive. And still you persist
in wreaking havoc with me,
pursuing to destroy me.
Blast me into oblivion, for
you hated me, because I was
exactly what you wanted,
but all I ever wanted was
the void.

Picking Door (knobs)

Torturing you with words of uncertainty on the horizon:
the positive and negative structures of your world combine.
Losing your mind to Shostakovich's piano concerto #6,
you find you're falling from grace yet again.
And through the barbed wire fences surrounding you
you see the withered blackened grass and are happy.
Due to, or possibly in spite of, your oleander dreams of decadence,
you fail at grasping the fragile incompetence of roses to cry.
Cuts lacing your palms leave memories to be analyzed
and syllables to be written on blue and pink lines.
Yet when your hair thins from your twirling of it,
and you head leaks blood from the constant bashing, you taste caramel.
Swooping down to gouge out dreams and destroy them,
eagles sniff out their eternally hopeful prey.
Smelling the opium in the distant lands of dust and sand,
you dance in circles of mushroom caps and fairies.
Running thirsty fingers over a trees withered bark,
you open your mouth for acidic sanguine cloud tears.
Quilts flying through the air to a recollection beyond dinosaurs,
you try to be completed with a misshapen puzzle piece.
Write me down, you sing to the sky in its oblivious splendor,
I want to look like a disfigurement of the flesh of mortality.

2:03 P.M.

He's drowning you in your
blood sweat and tears, he'll
rip out your heart, put it to
his mouth, and bite into it, and,
not unlike a peach, the veins will
rip open, and the sweet juices
will run down his mouth. he
says he loves you, but all he ever
shows you in gratitude is pain.
Your will is broken; hungry for
closure you will resist the
temptation to eat the apple and
escape your Eden of darkness
and sin. Your prostitution is
as the floor tiles in the men's
bathroom. Filthy treacherous
anathema you have become, will
lie down for the beating again,
bruising you with his hands, clenched
into fists, raping your tender, innocent
mind with his harsh, piercing words, to
condense you to a bloody pulp. Forget
your perfections and faults, for they no
longer apply. His fingernails digging
into your damned flesh, your pain
consuming your mind, and bringing him
to a euphoric enlightenment. Clenching the
sheets between your fingers, Edward Munch's
Scream abounds. But when he leaves, he
forgets to turn out the light, leaving
you to wonder why the world is so
white despite the shadow he left on
your scarred disfigured soul.

Emblematic Silence II

Forgive me in my failure,
bound to me like my shadow,
Following me incessantly.
You're so unempathetic,
you don't even know
why you're crying in your dreams.
and yet you stand to accuse me
of being too human.
Do you really believe I would shed
my skin for the sake of the
machine you want me to be?
My mistaken innocence, you
forget what it is like to feel.
Through all my faults, I have
found perfection, of which you
could only yearn for. You
hate me, in spite of your delirium.
You never miss a chance to strike
me down as I reach to touch the sky.
And even if I did perfect your
mindless tasks, it wouldn't matter.
Your corruption in my brain was
thorough. Digging into my insanity,
to rip and tear it to shreds of
unfathomable miniscuity. Because
you loathe me, for I was all you
ever wanted, but all i ever hoped for
was the void.

Copyright © 2005 Julie Pyle. All Rights Reserved.

more quizzes!!!

You Will Die at Age 67

67 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

really???

You Are 20% Extrovert, 80% Introvert

You are quite reserved You aren't afraid of social situations... But you very much prefer to go it alone And why not? You're your own best friend!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

sounds pretty correct

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

yup.

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare. And you're all in for any adventure. Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating. You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

How Daring Are You?

uh-huh!

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

um...

Your EQ is

133 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

if you say so

You Are A Realistic Romantic

You are more romantic than 70% of the population. It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

true, i think.

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

for the most part.

chopstix, massages, and 22-to-9

... crap... i have so much going on it's not even funny. *sigh* i don't know where to start. i am just under a lot of stress bc of school, friends, home, internal crap... ugh. i don't know.

hmm... well- i guess i could go in order. school is a bitch bc it is school enough said. homework, tests, presentations, quizzes, chopstix (don't ask)... everything is sorta bleh. how else can i explain it???

friends- there is just a lot of... stuff coming up i guess. i really don't want to get into much detail here, but there are just some conflicts coming up and it's just... weird.

parents- this i can talk about. ok- the other day i talked to my dad and pretty much explained the anorexia/bulemia crap, the cutting, the depression, and a couple of other things. well- not much has changed except for the fact that i can walk around the house without worrying about my cuts showing... though i'm still discreet about it. and it's so stupid bc i told him that most of the time when we eat and i say i have already eaten, or i'll get something later its bc i don't want to eat. and lately i have been saying the same thing, and still not eating much, and he hasn't said a word. i think i talked to him about this on wed, and that night i skipped supper, thursday i ate one shrimp, and then talked my way through the rest of the meal, fri i didn't get home til 10-30 anyway, but i had eaten nachos at the game, and today i ate breakfast while they were at the farmer's market, skipped lunch, and skipped supper, and for all they know i haven't eaten a thing except for a few grapes. and he hasn't said anything. i would laugh at it if it weren't such a serious thing. and when i told him, he was just like, oh, we'll see about getting you another psychologist. that was it. great, huh?

and as for the eating, or, lack of eating, ... i don't know. ugh. it's so stupid, bc i know i'm not fat, but i don't believe what i know... rrr... i guess i'll go get something to eat when i get off of here to make you people stop worrying... except you won't... bleh. this sux.

anyway, i wish i could end this on a nicer note... but i don't really have much to talk about. so... yeah.

pencils, geishas, and hands-
Julie

spikes and flowers

RELATIONSHIPS-

• You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes
• What is your longest relationship?: 6 months- Justin Smith- White Hall, 8th grade
• What was your shortest relationchip?: 6 days- Clayton Davis- Mills, 9th grade

FASHION STUFF-

• Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: Hot Topic, Spencer's, and (weird as this sounds) Wet Seal
• Any tattoos or piercings?: one piercing in each ear, but you wait til i turn 18!!!
• What is your sexiest outfit?: mini skirt, lace corset with fishnet shirt underneath, fishnet gauntlets, fishnet stockings, and boots. lol
• What is your most comfortable outfit?: cargo pants, boots, "when i can't sleep i count the number of buckles on my straightjacket" t-shirt, and fishnet gauntlets, cuz i can't live without my gauntlets.
• What do you usually wear?: um... clothes??? mostly hot topic crap, always some black, unless i do one of my white on white on white on hispanic days (get it??? hehe)

FAVORITES-

• Colors?:black, red, and purple, in opposite order.
• Food?:cheese pizza, and chocolate covered strawberries and vanilla cake. and Italian!!!
• Animals?: dogs, (yeah, yeah, i know...) bunnies, and horses
• Subjects?: art history, band, choir, world lit

HAVE YOU EVER...?

• Given anyone a bath?: yes, but don't get all weird on me- it was my little cuz while i was babysitting.
• Smoked?: yes
• Bungee jumped?: no, but i'd like to.
• Fallen in love?: um... duh?
• Pictured your crush naked?: i plead the fifth...
• Cried when someone died?: yes
• Fallen for your best friend?: yes- 3 times
• Been rejected?: this sounds so bad, but no.
• Rejected someone?: yes
• Used someone?: sorta
• Done something you regret?: countless times

CURRENT-

• Clothes?: Black jeans, red-and-black striped socks, new york shirt, gray hoodie, red-and-black striped gauntlets, and no, i will not tell you what kind of underwear i am wearing!
• Music?: Right here
• Smell?: sunchips on my fingers
• Desktop picture?: david and me
• cd in player?: none
• dvd in player?: none

LAST PERSON...-

• You touched?: i'm assuming this isn't meant in some sort of perverted way, and in that case it would be alan.
• Hugged?: Alan
• You IMed?: Dusty
• You yelled at?: my mom

ARE YOU...?-

• Understanding?: yes
• Open-minded?: yes
• Arrogant?: no
• Random?: philanthropists. (i guess that answers the question)
• Hungry?: no
• Smart?: not in my eyes- in everybody else's- yes
• Moody?: does ultra-rapid-cycling bipolar disorder tell you anything?
• Shy?: not normally
• Different?: hell yes!
• Attractive?: in my opinion- i am fat and ugly, however others tell me i am beautiful, hot, sexy, etc. so it's a matter of opinion.
• Obsessed?: with so many things...
• Angry?: not particularly
• Sad?: depressed, like always, but not sad sad
• Happy?: about some stuff.
• Hyper?: not anymore
• Trusting?: depends on whom and what about

WHO DO YOU WANNA...-

• Kill?: other than myself? jk- probably my mom and michael
• Slap?: my mom
• Get really wasted with?: hm... David, Carrie, Ashley, and Anne
• Get high with?: " "
• Talk to offline: Rusty, cuz i haven't talked to him since feb.
• Talk to online: " "
• Sex it up with: Clayton... NOT!!! duh people- david! lol

RANDOM-

• In the morning I: eat (sometimes) brush my teeth, get dressed, do my hair, feed boots, and get on the bus.
• All you need is: love, green tea, handcuffs, chocolate covered strawberries, music, vanilla cake, poetry, and rose bushes.
• I dream about: um... weird stuff mainly- weird or depressing, like i was on some hallucinogen or some horror film where everyone dies. pleasant, huh???

WHICH IS BETTER?-

• Coke or Pepsi?: neither- mt. dew rules
• Flowers or candy?: flowers- blood red roses or blue roses
• Tall or short?: um... either? i guess tall-ish medium-ish... but short is acceptable.

WHO?-

• Makes you laugh the most?: David, Rusty, Carrie, Sarah, Justin, in that order.
• Makes you smile?: all the time- David, most of the time- Rusty, Carrie, Justin

DO YOU EVER...?-

• Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: I have, but don't anymore.
• Wish you were a member of the opposite sex? no
• Wish you were younger?: no- older- yes.

YOU GUYS NEED TO TAKE THIS AND REPOST!!! or at least comment.

...please...?

hello???

dude! i don't even know if anyone even reads this crap anymore!!! WTF??? It's called commenting ppl- it'd be really nice to get some feedback. ya know- if only to tell me that i'm insane, which i already know... bleh. just write- ok???

anyway- lately, not much has been going on. um... school is ok. yeah. it's weird, cuz i thought i'd quit hanging out with nick and cole, and tim and ashley and jesse and crap cuz david's not here, cuz he was the reason i know any of them anyway... but i'm doing the exact opposite. i am hanging out with them more, and with stew and sarah and alan and even rachel less. i don't really know why... but... yeah.

um... school- well, i had a pre-chem test the other day, which i think i did ok on. maybe... and i had a field trip with the art history class today also. which also went ok. bleh- school is mainly just a bore.

yeah- well i am in a giving mood- i got david something over the internet... it's a auiowegh... oops- guess i have to try again- what i got him is a aoitaoiwdhgaoiwh... damn! guess you won't know. and i am also planning on getting him a fjaiohga and a waeoigh. so haha. and i got carrie aosierthj. hehe- this is great. payback is a freaking BITCH!!!

um... my mom is doing the weight thing again. that's really annoying.

yeah- the other stuff- mental crap- isn't going that well- but you're going to have to go to cfm for details on that. haha!

that's pretty much all that is going on right now. i think i am going to update my other blogs too- cuz i haven't for a while- but you can see what i do on aiedail-updates. so see ya!

*pop*

julie

What You Don't Know...

There is more to me than what you see on the outside. There are so many things that you don't know, and even if I told you, you wouldn't necessarily be able to understand. The things I go through, the stuff I do, the things I think: would make you scared, would make you cry, would make you think, would make you wonder. How much do you really know about me. It isn't a question: it's a statement of the unsure. You suspect; you claim to see through my facade. But what you don't know is that I have many levels before you reach my rotten core. You think if you peel off my outer cover of paint you will find the real me. You're wrong. What you don't know is that I don't always bleed red. What you don't know, are the things I leave unsaid.

What You Don't Know...
...is that sometimes, late at night, I walk into my backyard, climb into the fort, stare into the sky, and want to escape.
...is that I cut, and bleed, and often wish I would bleed til I die.
...is that I cry, alone, at night, and just want to give up.
...is that sometimes, in an effort to escape, I recede into the world I made in my head, and live just the way I want to.
...is that if I eat, I think I am utterly obese, and then purge til I see blood.

What You Don't Know...
...is that although I have friends who say they care, I am constantly paranoid that they don't; that they wouldn't notice if I died.
...is that I always tell the truth, though it may be under a couple of layers of icing or wearing pink lipstick.
...is that I don't like to be hugged by just anyone, because a hug could easily turn into a smother.
...is that having people know me scares me.

What You Don't Know...
...is taht I hide behind my mascara-lined eyes and purple-lipglossed smiles in hopes that you won't see the tears falling from my heart.
...is that these lace gauntlets hide more than old scars.
...is that when you say I have intense eyes, I smile inside, because the eyes scare you away from looking too close and seeing what is really there.
...is that I seem tough, but inside I am soft and impressionable.

What You Don't Know...
...is that every mistake I make haunts me and drives me toward perfection at any cost.
...is that when I reveal something to you, it's probably something you already know, and in truth, I am only skimming the surface.
...is that when I seem to be looking into your eyes, I am looking beyond: I can't stand to see you seeing me.
...is that the second someone glances my way, red lights flash, sirens blare, and I put up my impenetrable facade, but you never notice.

What You Don't Know...
...is that I hide from my emotions because I'm scared that if I try to confront them, I'll lose.
...is that the word "love" has been worn out from centuries of use: I don't say it lightly, but it scares me to trust it too much.
...is that i have abandonment issues: the second you turn your back I think you'll forget you ever knew me.
...is that though I embrace the night, I curse the darkness.
...is that when you ask me what's wrong, and I say nothing, I mean nothing I can put into words.
...is that I feel like a present-day Helen of Troy- it seems that everybody is attracted to me, but I only bring destruction, chaos, and pain where I walk.

What You Don't Know...
...is that my poetry is a window into my soul: what you read is part of what is deep inside.
...is that I hate everything I love becuase it's found a way to get to me.
...is that any time I smile, it feels like its plastic and I'm ready to break.
...is that I almost embrace my disorders: they make life interesting, yet at the same time I want to strangle them.
...is that I am almost constantly draped in sorrow, and feel like I'm drowning in it.

What You Don't Know...
...is that when I write, I am bleeding from my heart through the pencil, through the pen, through the keys, to show you my wounds.
...is that when i am touched skin to skin, it feels like an invasion, and I shrink back, thinking that if you can touch me you can hurt me.

What You Do Know...
...are facts, far and few.
...and you think you know more than is there.

There is so much to me you have yet to learn, and so much you may never know. Don't claim to have knowledge that wasn't offered up to you in the first place. Your simple assumptions, and unbased guesses are worthless. Discard them, abandon them. They mean nothing.

Don't claim you know me- you know nothing.

waiting...

I feel like I am waiting for something. I don't really know what. A change, a new person (not bf person, but somebody I should know), a new emotion, a new solution. And I'm supposed to do something while I'm waiting... but I don't know what. And I'm getting frustrated, and obsessed with waiting, and all the crap i'm going through is getting overwhelming. Or maybe the new something is waiting for me. I have no idea. But I have this feeling of urgency and necessity. Like if it doesn't happen soon, the whole thing (whatever it is) is going to fall down.

i have no idea what the hell i am talking about, but maybe, if i did, it wouldn't be necessary to do/meet/figure out this. there's just something waiting for...

yay!

well, carrie's down here right now, so that is cool. the bus ride was hilarious- i was messing with Stew. so... yeah... bleh. it feels really weird typing while carrie is watching. um...

well- we are going down to white hall tomorrow. yay! (thus the yay in the title... as the title.... whatever) last night, after i posted, i talked to justin again- he asked me to go to homecoming with him if he and lisa weren't going out then. which would require her to break up with her bf and go out with him. so i don't know. i told him i would, as friends of course. i am just glad we are going to be talking a lot more. i hate losing my friends. it really sux. bleh.

*sniff* i am such an idiot. i left myself signed on aim, and d tried to im me... and i wasn't there... so now i feel guilty. but today dani gave me a note that said 'i love you' on it from david (so she said, lol!) whatever. oh well- i will probably talk to/im him tonight.

ugh- antonio and timmy have already called twice today and it has only been 2 hrs. bleh.

hehe- the weirdest thing- jamie and timmy are going out. so it's sorta like the way white hall was- everybody switching bf's/ gf's. so now we make this sorta square with diagonal lines and... bleh whatever.

carrie is such an idiot... anyway

bleh- i am going to go now so i can ask carrie WHAT THE HELL DAVID GOT ME!!!!!

BYE!

julie

lately

well- lately has been... may i say weird???

ok- school is going ok... sort of. yeah- there are just a couple of um... bleh. i guess i'll just start.

first off- let me say that choir is sucky. really REALLY sucky. but i get to sing descant on Cantate Domino- which is really pretty. so far, the songs are easy- i think i have a good chance of making all-region this year.

i think something might be going on with rachel- but i don't know. i'll probably talk to her later.

ugh- antonio asked me out. not that i'm grossed out by that, but i am going out with david, and i don't think i would have gone out with him anyway. in any case- he called me EIGHT TIMES last night- but i got my parents to cover for me. bleh. and then, he and timmy called me today, and he just HAD to tell me that he had had 2 wet dreams about me. ugh. *shiver* not that that's the first time i've heard that, but... bleh. i give up.

i finally talked to/im'ed david yesterday, so i'm happy. hopefully i'll talk 2 him later today also.

friday carrie is spending the night, and we are going to wh on saturday for the founder's day crap. i don't know what rachel is going to do... but rach and i and brandon should be getting together on sunday to work on the songs. also- alan has volunteered to do drums for our band- so that is awesome. now i just have to figure out drum parts to some of those songs i've written. ooh ooh! i wrote another song yesterday!!! yup- i was on the phone with carrie, and it just came to me. actually i am on the phone with carrie right now. but yeah.

so- that's basically it right now. not much else has really happened. i am so tired. last night i fell asleep at 7:00. bleh. oh well.

carrie, im's, and speakers-

Julie

first day back

okay, well, yesterday was my first day back at school. let me say, it was NOT the best. unfortunately, i won't exactly be able to say why on here, but whatever...

well- first off, there was a chemical spill, so my bus was late. when i got there, i had no time to go see anybody- it was straight to band. band wasn't very different from last yr, except for the absence of david and audrey. and the addition of many puny little freshman. oh, and may i say that our trombone section sux royally... so ... yeah.

world lit was ok- i have that class with devon and melanie and lauren and kendalyn and keely. that was cool. i think i will do ok in that class.

alg II hon ap was awesome. i have rachel in that class, along with sarah d, keely, jazz. i am pretty sure i will do fine in that class considering math is one of my strengths.

pre-chem seems like it will be fun. again i have rachel, and devon and melanie and lauren. woohoo!

i now have a 5th period- health. josh is in there. that's it... bleh.

ap world hist seems like it will be fine- i don't even remember everyone i have in there. um... rach, jesal, sean, katie, daniel, stewart, ummm... i don't remember everybody else. but basically, in a room of about 20, i didn't know 2 people- so you get the gist of it.

then i have ap art history. sean, andrew, dulce, devon.

choir we have a new teach- mr. jarbo. i think he is going to be better than mrs. henderson. erica, season, nick, ricardo, rach, jazz.

woohoo- i have 4 classes with rachel! that makes me happy. and i have 3 with devon. 1 with stew, 1 with keely, 2 with sean, 1 with michael, 2 with sarah d, so i am glad about that.

i don't know- this year i don't think i'll be hanging out with stewart and alex and travis that much... well- not that group in any case. i'll still hang out with stew. the group has seemed to drift though. and i'll probably still hang out with nick, but probably not timmy or cole or any of them. and rachel (of course) and jesal, and michael, and sarah d. i don't know- i'm just not the type of person who hangs out with everybody as much. just the select few who mean more to me. last year i would sorta hang with everybody in about 4 groups, but it was sort of wasting my time, because i wouldn't be spending enough time with the people who meant more to me. i was spreading myself too thin. plus- doing it this way seems to get me in a better mood- so why not? oh well- we'll see what happens.

anyway- one week till founder's day in wh! woohoo. me happy. hopefully i will convince my parents to let me go. then i can see EVERYBODY even though most of them don't care anymore. i've still got justin and ren and rhyan and tasha (at least) i really don't know what happened with lisa though. *sigh* oh well- whatever. i know who my true friends are.

so- hasta la vista!
Julie

monday

well, ... this is going to be a crappy post.

ok, so everybody reading this more than likely knows about my battles with anorexia and bulemia. invading forces trying to take over my brain, overthrow my conscience and defying will, and run my life. god- it sounds like war with enemy countries or something. well, depressing as it is to say this... i could die from it... hopefully not... but... yeah... on to the main topic.

on monday, in band, we were outside on the parking lot practicing our left-face, right-face crap, and i got really weak, and dizzy, and basically ended up fainting. the reason for this is that previous to that day, for apprx a week, i had only been eating 250-750 cals a day, in fruits and vegetables... and also i had been overexerting myself with strenuous exercise, and hadn't been getting much sleep, esp due to the fact that i had attended a wedding in starkville ms 2 days before that, and with all the driving... bleh. the main reason is because i hadn't been eating right. even with all the other stuff, i would've been fine, but this crap going on with my eating habits and low self-image... don't even want to think about it.

anyway- as to an update- i have been eating correctly since then, quit most of the exercising- i still walk everyday, but that's not strenuous. so i'm back onto a normal schedule.

umm... what else??? school starts tomorrow. our schedules are sorta funky. on a-days we go to 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 8th, and on b-days, we go to 1st, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th. But, I don't even have a 5th period- they simply didn't give me one. i'll probably push for the comp class (req) first, then health (also req), then creative writing, and if not that, span II.

here's my schedule as of now:
1st- Band
2nd-World Literature
3rd-AP AlgebraII Honors
4th-Chemistry PAP
5th- n/a
6th-AP World History
7th-AP Arth History
8th-Vocal Music I

so... i have band and choir everyday (woohoo!) and both histories right next to each other. bleh. um... everything's pretty cool tho. i have two classes with sarah d, and ... that's all i really know. i'll figure out everybody else's later.

n e way- that's all that's going on. i think i will update my website next. there is a link to it on http://aiedail-updates.blogspot.com it should be under BPoI@Freewebs or something like that. it is in the link section in the right bar. anyway, ttyl!

schedules, speakers, and brightly colored string (lol Justin!)-
Julie (Jennifer)

My Confessions

x= yes

[] I am bisexual or homosexual

[x] I've run away from home

[] I listen to political music.

[] I collect comic books.

[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[] I open up to others easily

[x] I am keeping a secret from the world

[] I watch the news.

[] I own over 5 rap CDs

[] I own an ipod

[x] I own something from Hot Topic

[] I love Disney movies.

[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes

[] I don't kill bugs.

[x] I curse regularly.

[] I paid for that cell phone ringtone

[] I have "x"s in my screen name.

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.

[ ] I love Spam (as the food)

[x] I bake well

[x] I would wear pajamas to school.

[ ] I own something from Abercrombie

[] I have a job.

[ ] I love Martha Stewart.

[x] I am in love with someone.

[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS

[x] I am self conscious.

[x] I like to laugh.

[ ] I smoke a pack a day.

[] I loved Go Ask Alice.

[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

[ ] I can't swallow pills.

[x] I have many scars

[x] I've been out of this country

[ ] I believe in ghosts.

[] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room

[ x] I am really ticklish.

[x] I see/have seen a therapist

[x] I love chocolate.

[ x] I bite my nails

[] I am comfortable with being me.

[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored

[] Gotten lost in your city

[x] Saw a shooting star.

[] had a serious Surgery.

[] Gone out in public in your pajamas

[x ] I have kissed a stranger.

[x] Hugged a stranger... (almost-stranger, I guess. Knew her for about 2 hrs)

[x] been in a fight with the same sex.

[] Been arrested.

[] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.

[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator

[x] Made out in an elevator.

[] Swore at your parents.

[x ] Kicked a guy where it hurts.

[] Been skydiving.

[] Been bungee jumping.

[] Broken a bone.

[x] Played spin the bottle.

[] Gotten stitches

[] Drank a whole 1/2 gallon of sunny delight in one hour.

[x] Bitten someone.

[] Been to Niagara Falls.

[x] Gotten the chicken pox.

[ ] Crashed into a car

[] Been to Japan

[x] Ridden in a taxi.

x[ ] Shoplifted.

[] Been fired.

[x] have feelings for someone who didn't have them back

[] Stole something from your job.

[] Gone on a blind date.

[x] Lied to a friend.

[] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.

[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[x] Been to Europe.

[ ] Slept with a co-worker.

[ ] Been married

[ ] Gotten divorced.

[ x] Saw someone dying

[] Driven over 400 miles in one day.

[ ] Been to Canada.

[x] Been on a plane.

[x ]Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[] Thrown up in a bar.

[x] Eaten Sushi.

[] Been snowboarding.

[ ] Been skiing.

[x] Been ice skating.

[x ] Met someone in person from the internet.

[ ] Been to a motorcross show.

[] Gone/Going to college.

[x] Done hard drugs

[x] Taken painkillers.

[x ] Cheated on someone else

[x]Were so bored you took this survey. duh

MORE QUIZZES!!! (but it's ok, cuz i had a real post for once)

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...

A bit odd and socially isolated. You couldn't care less of what others think. And some of your beliefs are a little weird. Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

no one's supposed to know about that!!!

Your Love Style is Storge

For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind (You've been known to still have connections with exes) But sometimes your love is not the most passionate Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave

What's Your Love Style?

true true true... my love does tend to be enduring, etc, when it is really love... otherwise it's short and thus 'not the most passionate.' and i think i have found 'that fire you (I) crave'... speaking of exes- i saw justin today!

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

20% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

hehe

You Are 70% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

no! normal bad- bad bad bad

white hall

well, i went down to white hall today. that was fun. i brought jesal with me, and she got to meet justin and ren. i miss everybody down there so much. apparently justin is straightening out, and rusty is too. i didn't see rusty, but that is what justin told me. yay for them.

i can't believe it was two years ago when justin and i met. it seems like so much longer than that. and how fast things have changed. two years ago, also, rusty, josh, jon, crystal, etc. all the ppl who have had such an impact on me. and who (for the most part) i haven't seen since the football game against wh last yr. i saw rhyan and justin the last time i passed through. i really miss everybody down there. i don't think i had many 'true' friends til 8th grade, and they were it. in elementary, it was dora in first to fourth, rhyan from second on, rzan for fourth, and lisa from fourth on. but anytime i've talked to lisa lately, she's busy, and seems po'ed when she hears that its me on the phone. so, until 8th, i had 4 good friends. then 8th came, and then i moved right after... *sigh* just my luck, huh?

anyway. justin is getting his own book published. that's cool. by using my old charm and sad eyes and saying 'please' in a really cute way, i got him to say he would send me a signed free copy. which i am pretty sure i could have convinced him to do otherwise. but oh well. i like getting to him like that. i gave him a couple of my poems from this past year... ok, 50, but that's only like... half... so... (decides she is going to shut up)...

anyway- he also got a pic of me at prom, and a pic of me from the yearbook. and ren read several of the poems i gave to justin. we (j and i) reminisced about old times. it was cool. i think we are really going to start keeping up with each other a lot more. which is awesome. the 5 months or so after we broke up and didn't talk was really crappy, cuz i still care about him. i just wish r hadn't gone all weird and gotten between us. oh well. what's done is done. plus now i'm with david (yay! ^_^) so i'm not really all that bothered with it anymore.

i also saw dusty today- he dropped by mills. that was fun. and my lips were orange!!! after eating the sorbet, they got all sorbet-colored-ish... so yeah- it resulted in orange lips. lol. i did a good job in band today, also, so today was awesome. i think i am going to top it off by calling david, and hopefully actually talking to him. my parents and i made a deal- i pay for all the long-distance phone calls i make, at 7cents a minute, and the fact that i am getting paid $10 a wk for lessons from carrie, $5 a day for food (normal days), $10 a day for food (w/ after-school band practices and games, etc.), and $5 a day for when i go to the library to volunteer... that is apprx. $55 a week- so i think i can manage. it's not that i'm not eating, but i think i'll just bring stuff from home and save the money. and i figure that i won't use $55 a week- i'll call justin once a wk, or every oth wk, and david at least once a wk. audrey... once every oth wk. something like that. about $42 a month, if i talk an hour to each. considering i will be getting $220 a month, i am pretty sure i'll do fine. i still need to go get that thing i saw at the mall for david... i'll be able to do that in a week. they better still have it, or i'll be po'ed. and guess what david- I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT IT IS CUZ YOU SUCK AND WON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU GOT ME!!! rrr... meanie.

um... that is all i really have to say. i am still trying to convince my dad to let me go down to wh for founder's day- we'll see how that goes.

money, phone calls, and signatures-
Julie

i really am bored, aren't i?

Your #1 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #2 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

What's Your Love Type?

...sure...

Your Extroversion Profile:

Excitement Seeking: Very High

Activity Level: Medium

Assertiveness: Medium

Friendliness: Medium

Sociability: Medium

Cheerfulness: Low

How Extroverted Are You?

why not?

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 20%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

How Sinful Are You?

funny.

hehe- MORE QUIZZES!!! (I have nothing better to post, pitiful, ain't it???)

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

none of you see me this way, ... do you???

How You Live Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

i think that this is pretty much true.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

naw... ya think???

Your Slanguage Profile

Canadian Slang: 75%

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 25%

New England Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

heheh, and i lived in the south my whole life. i've never even been to canada... huh? weird... lol

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you are a bit stingy.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's the True You?

not... quite...

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Rachel is your soulmate.

You truly love Sarah.

You consider Jesal your true friend.

You know that Rhyan is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Stewart for the rest of your life.

You secretly think David is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Justin is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Rusty is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Rusty changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Clayton is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Clayton has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

this is absolutely hilarious, because almost none of it is right. Jesal is right, Rhyan is right, Stewart is right, the first two on David are right, the first two on Justin are right, Rusty... um, can I plead the fifth?, hehe... Clayton- maybe Clayton has 7 or 8 internet romances, with 10 and 12 yr olds. Rachel- maybe soul-mate friend wise. um... yeah. by the way, clayton was a saltine cracker. just so you know.