Broken-hearted, but relieved.

So many things have happened lately, it's really ridiculous. I've decided not to hold anything back here: what's the point? I'll only be holding it back from myself, this will be me, unedited, unconstrained, unbound. No rules or obligations apply.



Michael and I broke up. It sucked ass. We both cried, and we didn't want to, but there was no other way to fix it; we had tried so hard. We were both miserable, and he's going to be leaving soon. And I wish I didn't love him, but I do, more than I ever thought I would. I would have loved to be his wife, to have kids, to die with him there beside me. But it just wasn't meant to be. And some part of me will always love him. I hope he knows that.



There is a greater part of me that is relieved. Because as shitty as breaking up was, I feel that maybe now I can begin to heal. While I was with him, it was like the wounds from everything were simply getting reopened every day. But now I'm hoping I can mend, albeit slowly, but mend nonetheless. There is pain in letting go, but resolution in acceptance. And I think resolution is what I need now.