so much crap is happening... where do i begin??? obviously, from this pic, you can tell that the bulimia is back- binge, purge, binge, purge... the cycle never stops. i am either starving or i am binging or i am purging. today for instance. breakfast- bagel (purged), lunch- m'n'ms, a couple of sticks of gum. supper i am not going to eat.
i broke up with timmy on the ... 26 i believe... yeah, thats it. it was really crappy- and he hasn't shown up to school since. *sniff* i feel bad, but i guess that is what i get. basically, it wasn't really working out all that well. first off- he still didn't trust me- i was always paranoid, i could never relax. second- it wasn't like an actual boyfriend, girlfriend situation- it was like we were still friends, and just claiming a higher relationship status than that. also, the main reason- we still dont know each other well yet. i think we rushed it... we'll have to see what happens. also, there is the thing where i have too much going on right now to deal with a relationship i am not into. if i were into the relationship and we had all the problems we did, then i would be more willing to work on them rather than just dropping the whole thing. but as it stands- i wasn't really enjoying myself. *sighs* oh well.
i am so depressed all the time- nothing really seems to be going well in my life right now. everything is falling apart- getting torn down... i feel so mentally and emotionally and physically tired and worn out all the time. i just feel like giving up right now. i dont think i actually will- i just feel like it
my dad is convinced that bc he has read some stuff on depression and anorexia that when (more like "if" if you ask me) i tell him about what's going on with me he will understand- and frankly that is just a load of crap. it annoys me so much when he tries to get information and pushes and pushes even when i tell him to stop, he won't (sorry stew- but if you look at that the right way, or shall i say the wrong way... *roflmao*)n e way... moving on. i hate it when i tell people to leave me alone or that i don't feel like talking and they still bug me about stuff.
at least i have one good thing to look forward to- my bday is coming up on the 6th of may- only one more wk and one more day. i can't wait to get all my bday money and go buy crap- i think my parents WONT be getting me my harp- which sux azz, but if they dont i am just going to ask for the guitar and a lot of crap from hot topic. which i wont get much of... *sniff*... ah, well.
i think that i am just going to have a lot of friends over at my house and we'll hang out in the garage. or on the deck- i am more inclined to the garage tho. i am inviting jesal, sarah, david, devon, james, stew, jennifer, melanie, katie, nick, erica, sean d, rachel, ari, keely. i would invite timmy, ... but... i think that is self-explanatory. if we are already extremely comfortable by then, then sure, if not, then...
i am almost done on my ana scrapbook. which is good, cuz then i can get rid of everything in it again. i really need to get over this crap. it is so annoying at timz.
not much else is really going on in my life. i will write more when something else happens.
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