What You Don't Know...

There is more to me than what you see on the outside. There are so many things that you don't know, and even if I told you, you wouldn't necessarily be able to understand. The things I go through, the stuff I do, the things I think: would make you scared, would make you cry, would make you think, would make you wonder. How much do you really know about me. It isn't a question: it's a statement of the unsure. You suspect; you claim to see through my facade. But what you don't know is that I have many levels before you reach my rotten core. You think if you peel off my outer cover of paint you will find the real me. You're wrong. What you don't know is that I don't always bleed red. What you don't know, are the things I leave unsaid.

What You Don't Know...
...is that sometimes, late at night, I walk into my backyard, climb into the fort, stare into the sky, and want to escape.
...is that I cut, and bleed, and often wish I would bleed til I die.
...is that I cry, alone, at night, and just want to give up.
...is that sometimes, in an effort to escape, I recede into the world I made in my head, and live just the way I want to.
...is that if I eat, I think I am utterly obese, and then purge til I see blood.

What You Don't Know...
...is that although I have friends who say they care, I am constantly paranoid that they don't; that they wouldn't notice if I died.
...is that I always tell the truth, though it may be under a couple of layers of icing or wearing pink lipstick.
...is that I don't like to be hugged by just anyone, because a hug could easily turn into a smother.
...is that having people know me scares me.

What You Don't Know...
...is taht I hide behind my mascara-lined eyes and purple-lipglossed smiles in hopes that you won't see the tears falling from my heart.
...is that these lace gauntlets hide more than old scars.
...is that when you say I have intense eyes, I smile inside, because the eyes scare you away from looking too close and seeing what is really there.
...is that I seem tough, but inside I am soft and impressionable.

What You Don't Know...
...is that every mistake I make haunts me and drives me toward perfection at any cost.
...is that when I reveal something to you, it's probably something you already know, and in truth, I am only skimming the surface.
...is that when I seem to be looking into your eyes, I am looking beyond: I can't stand to see you seeing me.
...is that the second someone glances my way, red lights flash, sirens blare, and I put up my impenetrable facade, but you never notice.

What You Don't Know...
...is that I hide from my emotions because I'm scared that if I try to confront them, I'll lose.
...is that the word "love" has been worn out from centuries of use: I don't say it lightly, but it scares me to trust it too much.
...is that i have abandonment issues: the second you turn your back I think you'll forget you ever knew me.
...is that though I embrace the night, I curse the darkness.
...is that when you ask me what's wrong, and I say nothing, I mean nothing I can put into words.
...is that I feel like a present-day Helen of Troy- it seems that everybody is attracted to me, but I only bring destruction, chaos, and pain where I walk.

What You Don't Know...
...is that my poetry is a window into my soul: what you read is part of what is deep inside.
...is that I hate everything I love becuase it's found a way to get to me.
...is that any time I smile, it feels like its plastic and I'm ready to break.
...is that I almost embrace my disorders: they make life interesting, yet at the same time I want to strangle them.
...is that I am almost constantly draped in sorrow, and feel like I'm drowning in it.

What You Don't Know...
...is that when I write, I am bleeding from my heart through the pencil, through the pen, through the keys, to show you my wounds.
...is that when i am touched skin to skin, it feels like an invasion, and I shrink back, thinking that if you can touch me you can hurt me.

What You Do Know...
...are facts, far and few.
...and you think you know more than is there.

There is so much to me you have yet to learn, and so much you may never know. Don't claim to have knowledge that wasn't offered up to you in the first place. Your simple assumptions, and unbased guesses are worthless. Discard them, abandon them. They mean nothing.

Don't claim you know me- you know nothing.