III'MMMMM BAAAACCKKKKK!!!!!!

Ok, number one: I am back from piano camp. I had so much fun. And some other stuff happened too... but I'll get to that. or... maybe i should do that first, and end on a happy note.

Ok: so please: before you make any assumptions (bc they will be wrong), read the whole thing. You will, I hope, get what I mean.

At camp, I made many new friends. One of them was Ryan. I started hanging out with him most of the time. He was really fun. He is now officially the Sri-whitan. (being both sri lankan and white). But yeah. One thing I liked about him is that he was happy. I mean, truly happy. And this was because he devoted himself fully to everything he believed in and enjoyed. He didn't waste his time with stuff that didn't matter, or wasn't going anywhere. And he let things touch him: make an imprint. For instance, there was this one girl he liked, but he didn't get to ask her to slow dance. he was upset, but said that he would move on in due time. But he didn't let it affect his overall mood. One thing wrong should not affect your whole life. And so I fell in love: not with him, but with the ideology that he personified. And not as someone that I wanted to be with, but someone I wanted to be. Yeah, he had his problems... but he dealt with them. I want the same thing. And so I quit. I quit everything bad, or depressing for me. or... at least I'll try. I've tried before... but now I will try to tie up the loose ends.

And so this brings me to the next thing. On wednesday, I felt a sudden loss... that had happened a long time ago. This was of David. I made the hard decision to break up with him when I got back: whether he was coming back or not. Instead I came home to an email where he had done the same thing. In a way I was spared. In a way I was broken. I felt like I should have cried. I didn't. Because I felt like I should have. That it was more of an obligation. Yes I was hurt: but more for the fact that I had put so much into it to have it end this way. but it was the lack of emotion that told me that it was really over, and had been for some time, just that I had been purposefully, though subconsciously, blind to it. Maybe it was for the best. David and I still want to be friends... or at least he says he does. As to whether he means it, and if it is too awkward or not, I don't know. I really mean it. But in any case, I'll always remember him as the guy who made me smile...

Oh yeah: if you will look 2 posts previously, you will see another of my premonition poems. That was to David... I just didn't know why at the time. I hadn't decided to break up with him then. But yeah... Maybe my subconsciousness is trying to tell me something it knows that my conscious doesn't want to admit. Carrie especially will know what I am talking about. Many poems I write tend to describe something perfectly... something that happens anywhere from 3 hours to 6 months later. So yeah... creepy.

On a lighter note: piano camp was fucking awesome. I can't wait til I get to go next year. And I will be entering into the concerto competition: prize: 100$ woohoo! I made some awesome friends. Ryan, of course, and axe (aka Deanna), Olivia, Madeline, chicken (aka Daniel), and some others. I also met a child-prodigy-future-famous-person named philip. He is so awesome at violin. You wouldn't believe it. I aspire to be like him... only on the piano. 13 years old... wow.

My classes were awesome. I really enjoyed them. My piano playing has improved immensely in this one simple week. You wouldn't believe it.

But seriously: wasting time is one of the things I find most despicable: therefore I'm going to stop it. It is simply pointless. So why bother?

I go back to the library tomorrow, and summer band starts next week. So I have stuff to busy myself with. And I will start preparing for next year's concerto immediately. Can't wait!