My Facade

Losing myself in the lies that I've made,
finding that I've now become another piece of deceit.
You don't know the real me, that
hides behind these happy smiles.
The truth of myself is that I cry.

Piece me back together
with the pieces that are true.
Discover who I really am,
the face behind the mask.
Uncover these long lost mysteries,
open up the closet door.
Find me hiding from myself
and bring me back to life.

My alternate reality is taking over,
I'm losing what I'm not sure I ever really had.
I'm living in my fantasy,
my dreams of ignorance and bliss.
What a beautiful anathema I have become.

These sanguine nights are k1lling me,
I'm lost inside myself.
This obfuscated shell you see
has abstrused me from the world.
And though I try to hide from you,
care not- I am betrayed.
You are the needle that po1soned me
and sent me to my grave.

Forget whilst you sleep tonight,
And never ever wake.
Sleep void of dreams, or scares of night,
I won't haunt you, dear.
Slumber knowing I have b1ed and won,
conquered my surreptitious fears.
I wove a fancy web of deception-
you could not see me through my calumnies.
But the front I have put up,
insidiously,
has finally risen to the challenge.
Conquered is my t0rmented soul,
Darkness has won me over.

And as I lie,
void of sleep,
a tear threatens to drop,
yet I smile.
Forged from within-
this semblance I have put up for the exterior.
The sake for a seeming of normality.

I am a lie-
Artful, at best.
And yet, I still am stubbornly astucious and choose
to live in the coffin I have made for myself.
My de facto self is slowly being suffocated,
while the imposter feeds off its de@th.
Yet still I weep silently, and
present to you a beaming aspersion.
For a lie is less painful,
than sharing my despondency.
And soon distortion is all I know.

Forgive me if I'm broken, dear

©Julie Pyle, 2005