Revelations

So, I've had a couple lately. Yeah.... anyway.

I need to eat more. I know: retarded. But I also need to eat healthier. I'm consuming too much junk food. And even though I'm not eating as much as I should be, I'm still gaining weight.

I also still haven't had my period. Well... I sorta did... it lasted like somewhere between 24 and 36 hours, which, to me, doesn't really constitute a period. I had hoped it was because I wasn't eating. But then there's the whole gaining weight thing... Maybe I need to take another test.

And: let me clarify now. If I am, it IS David's... or it should be. I had sex with Jon the week before David came down, and during that week, I was on my period. I remember, because I was worried I would still be on it when he came down and we wouldn't be able to do anything... lol. The wrong reason, but yeah. But now, I feel like crap, because I didn't want to post it (sex with Jon) right when it happened, bc I thought it would piss David off, or make him think less of me, or whatever. And since I didn't post it right when it happened, but like a month later, at least (I think), he would have all the reason in the world to question whether the kid (if it exists) is his or not. Especially since I took a test that said negative. And I mean, I guess, technically, there is a chance that it could be Jon's. Since you can have your period while you're pregnant. Which annoys me. I'd rather it be David's, but if it is Jon's, I'm not going to lie about it. It wouldn't stay a secret forever, and then I'd have to deal with more shit in the end, and I'd rather just figure it out now. But yeah... I'm just hoping I'm not in the first place.

And I need to cut back on smoking. I was going to quit when I went down to Peru next summer, bc I was planning on going up to CO and kicking it w/ David for a bit, but if I move up there like I was planning on, then I just need to cut back.

And I really do need to try harder in school, in case I stay another semester, bc I got not such a good grade on my interior design test.

And I am not worthless, no matter what Jennifer tells me. That stupid cunt needs to shut the fuck up.

And I think I'm done for now.

Oh yeah: I'm sorry David.