I'm in Jon's room again. I don't think I can keep doing this, going on like this. It seems like it's nothing to him, and whether that's true or not, it is still definitely a lot to me. I still love him, and it's still really hard for me to be around him like this. And even though he says he hasn't given up, I can't help but feel that maybe he has, and maybe I'm doing the same thing I did when I was waiting for Michael. I don't want to put myself through that again. If it's going to hurt so much to be around Jon, I don't need to be around him.
But I want to. I've invested a lot into this relationship (friendship/relationship, whatever), put pieces of myself into his hands. I don't think I can give it up that easily, even though that might be the best decision.
And to think, 6 months ago, I would not have even thought about starting anything with him.
Things change fast... much too fast...
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