Okay, yesterday, so not the best!!! Got to feeling the almost worst ive ever been. Which is pretty bad... n e way. You know those feelings of worthlessness, that why care ne more?!?! yup, that was me yesterday. Now-...sorta, not near as bad. I have no idea what's going to happen, of course then again, who does. Does it really matter what happens in an hour, a day, a week a month, a year? a lifetime?!?! Think: exactly how does one insignificant life change the world? I mean sure, there were the few special people who will be remembered throughout time, or at least as long as time lasts. But im not going to be one of those people. Im not guessing. Im pretty darn sure. All i plan to do with my life is to adopt handicapped children from third world countries in hopes of doing SOMETHING for someone. Plus the fact that those are the kids whom are not going to get adopted by n e body n e way. That an be either a doctor, writer, professional pianist, or an egyptologist. Possibly a psychiatrist. I should know enough about problems and being insane. If im not already in a white sterile padded room rocking back and forth in my straight jacket, at least. and chances of that- if things dont improve a lot, pretty good. In any case, even if i did do something worth getting written down and/or passed through the generations, humanity is not going to last forever, as much as we would love for it to. So then, why would ne of it matter ne way? and the whole "obtaining divinity" thing that so many religions are talking about now, if you get tons of chances and lifes to do it any way, why does it matter if you mess one of them up?!?! n e way, back to the feelings of worthlessness- poem
Falling to Pieces
Hanging on to the edge of insanity,
falling to...
who knows?
caught in this hell ive made,
yet cannot control,
everything scarred beyond recognition
Floating in an out of a dream state
or nightmare, im not quite sure
and don't quite care.
Alternating between
a horrible ,
nd an even more horrendous reality.
With nothing to look forward to
nothing but the end.
because then it will all be over, anyway
With my whole twisted, demented world
falling to pieces,
like the shattered glass from the mirror,
which shows a distorted, yet quite correct,
image of my and my life.
...Red rain drops fall,
making my hands slippery
and i let go,
Not wondering, not even really caring
what comes next, because,
frankly,
i couldn't care less.
---Not caring sucks, doesn't it???
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