Temporary High

For a while I've been feeling a lot better: about my circumstances, me, my life, life in general, just basically everything. But all of a sudden, it feels as if I were on the whole time, and am coming down to earth now. I am not losing the serene happiness and contentedness (is that a word?) I just feel as though I am truly going to see things as they are now, and that they can't help being that way. Things includiing me. Except, ... some things I can help, such as how I deal with things, how I react, and the fact that my life should be under my control, not vice versa. Plus, if I decide to take my life, it's not like I would ever get the chance to see how it would have turned out otherwise, anyway. I might live to die under natural circumstances after all! ^_^. In any case, i feel like I am floating in a dream state right now, but know it. As if I am in that point between beeing asleep and waking up. But I think I will stay here for a while. Seeing things from the weird point of view and the true point of view is really helping me. In any case, on to other happenings in my weird, twisted life. Clayton asked me to go out with him the other day. Unlike the last time I had to say no. I'm not really sure about anything right now, let alone my feelings for him. Friend, more than a friend, boyfriend? For some reason, the last one doesn't seem to fit. It might, I don't know right now. I need to concentrate on my emtional and mental feelings right now, not my love life. There are several other guys who like me too. (They're all crazy, but...) Things right now are too complicated for me to get that involved and that close to somebody I'd rather have as a friend for the time being. There is one person I'd go out with in a second, even in this state, because we "just seem to go well together" as he put it. The only reason I'd go out with him and none of the others is that, not only is he a really good friend, but we sympathize, can communicate, DO go well together, both like each other, and he can always make me smile no matter what. Unfortunately, he is tied up at the moment. I might not wait on him, depending on what is going on with the stuff I mentioned earlier. If it clears up, and he is still her, then I might go out with someone whom I KNOW how I feel about, but if it stays tangled, or I'm not quite sure how I feel about them, then probably not. Ari was supposed to come over tonight, but that didn't work out. The party tomorrow was canceled in any case, so it wouldn't have mattered so much. She couldn't come because she has a cold and her parents didn't want her to infect us. Oh how nice and considerate they were being. O_O (not) We decided she should try her hardest not to cough tomorrow so that maybe she can spend the night then. I feel as if I were in the mood to smoke tonight, but since I am trying to quit doing that as often, I think I'll just... play piano and eat a glazed donut. Maybe stare at the stars.